So what can she do that won’t kill the baby?

Consultation day!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are excited we get there early and everything. Fill out 27 forms of varying colors and sizes. Put things so embarrassing in print you wouldn’t even know yourself when you are done. Forget to find the prescription card. Yep it’s time to visit a doctor and we are ready to rock and roll.

My wife has a bag full of creams, vitamins, books, and a list of things she needs explained. Folic acid seems to be top on her list. I don’t know what it is but she needs it like a crack addict needs a hit.

The doctor comes in and he asks us how long we have been trying. I said, oh were not trying doc we’ve succeeded. He then says great so do we have any questions. We say do we need to take a more formal test. He says not if you took an over the counter test. We say we have. He says then your pregnant (which still annoys us).

He then tells us what to expect over the course of the next few weeks. My wife might puke like the exorcist. She might experience enlarged breasts that are very tender (check, we already covered that). She might, at some point ask you for a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich at 4:30am and you better get it (hasn’t happened yet, but his face was SERIOUS when he said this).

Apparently she does need folic acid and should stop using every cream or vitamin she currently possesses. Additionally, she can’t eat sandwich meat, hot dogs, unwashed fruit, alcohol, unpasteurized milk, cheese, caffeine, or breathe air in a funny way. Seriously you start to wonder what won’t kill an unborn child

Side Note: This has been going on since the dawn of mankind. I’m sure a caveman ate a wooly mammoth sub sandwich. If all this is true how does the human race even exist today. For the love of god, what harm could come from unwashed fruit???

We leave scared but informed. Everything will be fine as long as she eats nothing that has taste, and does nothing fun for nine months.

This is going to be interesting.