Registration: Part Deux

Register for more stuff.  Why not, we aren't quite done yet.  Of course, I'd love to go to Babies "R" Us for the 40th time.  See what a good husband I am.  Let's use word like nipple in non naughty ways.

We enlist the help of our friend Isabele in helping us determine what kind of bottles, pacifiers (I wish I could give these to people in the office), and Baby Bjorns.  We learn a lot.  Yet we learn nothing.  We need a bottle warmer, bottles, brushes, crap, stuff, junk, and things.  We scan tons of stuff, and duplicate just so we can remove the items when we get home to sort through.

Baby Bjorn:  It's a backpack but loaded with a live puking human.

When we finish we have definitely changed the number of items we have, but we feel we are informed.  We are ready.  We are scared freaking senseless of how much a child costs.  Seriously, how do teen mothers do this, crap.  Answer: they get the money from people like me and my wife who went to college.  I knew I should have been livin' off the government!

I think we are done with registration..... Think...

Dance Dance Womb-rolution

Baby is kicking.  By kicking I mean acting like an alien in my wife's stomach.  I felt her power.  She has either a great right hook or a strong right foot, we don't know yet.

This is unsettling to Ericka.  By unsettling I mean painful.  Ericka eats and the baby gets excited.  She decides to wake up and kick mommy.  She kicks back and relaxes and decides if she likes something. If she likes it, she kicks.  If she doesn't like it, she kicks. So we really see no difference.

She tends to wake up around 7:30pm.  This is almost like clockwork.  She begins to start dancing on pro speed a bit later when she decides that something cool is on TV.  She definitely wants to sleep from time to time, but most of that time is during the day (just like mom).

Dance Dance Revolution TIME!!!!!!!!!!

She works her way to advanced level about 9:30pm and then proceeds to kick until midnight. I think this final amount of kicking is based on the fact that Ericka is working late on accounting and he baby has had enough of numbers.

PLEASE NO MORE ACCOUNTING!

Profits "R" US! Registration Time.

It is time to register so all of our friends and family will know what this wonderful child will need in the future.  The time has come for.... BABIES "R" US!  Which is Wal-Mart for parents. 

The main problem with this store is when you go to Wal-Mart you generally have some idea of what you want.  We do NOT know what we want.  We have limited friends who have children in the area so we decide we REALLY have a problem.

WAIT solution in sight.  A lady with a BABY!  AHHHHHH!!!!! inside information.  We latch to her.  Excuse me, we are registering for our child and would like some advice.

NOTE:  I'm walking around with a pregnant wife.  I have a scan gun in my hand.  She gives me a look like really?  Your registering?  You mean you and your wife are not stocking the shelves?

 No it is a key chain not a scan gun, really!

The lady looks panicked.  She is busy.  Baby is crying.  Strangers are excited to ask her about baby.  OK maybe we just found the wrong person.

We pick out some things we deem essentials.  We scan them.  We leave feeling like we are responsible adults, and then.....

We check consumer reports.  The things we picked out are on recall, deemed useless by parents, dangerous, or perfect for harming your child in a myriad of ways.  We stink at picking stuff out.

The car seat has been recalled.  The Pack n Play has a slight problem of collapsing around your bundle of joy.  The baby monitor has a range of 10 feet. 

WE NEED HELP.  A desperate plea to the Internet for sane mothers to help us.  Wait business idea.... Askafreakingmom.com.  Staffed by actual moms.

Long story short.  We are not done and we need to go back.  Numerous times, apparently (I cannot wait).  I have so much to offer in a conversation about which breast pump would be comfortable.  I demand more male product testing.  Instead they just look at me like I'm crazy.